Feeling Too Damn Good

Wow. Things could not be much more different from the last time I posted than they are right now. Next time I get all depress-y, remind me that my life is not that bad. I don't even know where to start to update because I feel like my life has done a 180 since then. Well I'll start with the hovering question that was posed at the end of the last post. Yes, I decided to retake the MCAT because I  wasn't about to let one little test get in the way of following my dream. Although I decided to forgo the early assurnace program that required me to retake the test within the month, I wanted to take my time to be able to increase my chances of getting a score that would be overall a better representation of my ability. I got a 28Q the second time, which still isn't spectacular (and I still believe I could have done better) but it was good enough to get me an interview at three different schools and get ACCEPTED into two of them! I got accepted to Central Michigan University and Michigan State University which I both loved when I went and interviewed. The other which I won't name, I interviewed at and did not get accepted to, which is okay because I was not impressed when I went there for an interview anyway and I definitely think the other two suit my personality much better.

So I've been accepted and then ensued the months-long decision process of which school I would thrive most at and which would give me the best opportunities to take my career where I want it. This was a very very hard decision because I really loved both schools and their mission statements both sets of faculty were welcoming and friendly. I won't expand too much on this decision process because I could go on for hours about how back-and-forth I felt during this time and I truly believe that I would have succeeded and loved attending both schools. However, I ultimately decided that I would attend Michigan State University College of Human Medicine in the Fall of 2013 :) Even though I made this decision months ago, I still get so excited when I say that and have had nothing but support for my decision from my family and friends (even the Wolverine fans in the family).

More exciting news since the last time, I will be attending MSU CHM at their Grand Rapids campus which is absolutely gorgeous. Seriously, if you know nothing about it, google Secchia Center and you will see how incredible this building is. This decision was also quite a roller coaster for me. I talked it over with family and with my boyfriend since we were planning on living together wherever I ended up while he finishes up his Doctorate of Physical Therapy program with an internship for two semesters. This posed quite the issue because he had to choose this before I found out definitively where I would be located. We ended up deciding GR because there were more options for him there and did I mention the MSU CHM GR campus is gorgeous? Well it turned out that MSU wanted to put me in East Lansing. Mind you this is already after my boyfriend was set in GR. We were devastated. Well I was, he was fairly calm and said we would wait a year and live together when fate said we would. But then, just a couple weeks ago I got a call that I could switch to the GR campus if I wanted to. Uh, duh! So now my boyfriend and I just secured our first apartments together so I'm once again on cloud nine. This time though, I will tread lightly with my excitement because the last couple times life has gone this well, something has come to sit me down.

So that's what's happening for me lately. Much less depressing than the last post, right? I told you I wasn't all gloomy and stuff normally. So here's to the next step in my education, career and love life starting this fall. I could not be more excited. So it could be quite a while from now until I write again, since I imagine the rigors of medical school won't allow me much spare time to do things like this. So until then, stay positive and stay awesome :)

MCAT 1, Rachel 0

So I've decided to do my first post since the end of my medical ethics class to actually turn this into a pre-med journey type of blog for other pre-meds or just for me to look back on when I will (hopefully) be a real doctor and can reminisce about what it took to get where I am. Or at this point it may be something more like: 'What made me actually think I could do this?'

Right now I think I just need to vent about this path I've taken, so if this post seems fairly pessimistic, I'm sorry. I promise I'm normally one of the most optimistic people you will meet so this isn't typical for me, and don't be scared away and never come back to my blog solely because of this post.

To be honest, I'm realizing how much this pre-med path sucks. But so do a lot of things in life that we do anyway because it's good for us. Like exercising. Good exercise sucks because its hard, but it's good for us. I personally love a good workout that will have me doubting halfway through whether I can finish, just so I can get the feeling of overcoming that doubt. But this is all beside the point. Back to the real story.

I got my MCAT scores back last week. The moment of truth. Drum roll and.........crap. A 24N. I knew I didn't do as well as my potential, but didn't realize it was this severe. Unluckily, I got these scores in the middle of my spring break while I was in Florida with my softball team for spring training so I knew it was going to either make or break the enjoyment of the rest of my week. However, I was able to keep it off my mind during the rest of that week only to get back to school this week and finally realize the extent of my suckiness. Needless to say, many tears have been shed since returning to reality. What's worse is that the early acceptance program I applied for at MSU CHM requires at least a 25....one point? really?

So now the big question. Do I retake it before the April 28th deadline, having only about a month to study to improve my score and hoping to raise it by at least 1 point in order to qualify for the program? Or do I say screw the early acceptance program and wait to retake until July when I will have sufficient time to prepare in order to improve my score to make myself more competitive for the regular application cycle?

It's times like these I question whether this path is for me. I would like to say it is, but if I can only get a sub-par MCAT, how would I really do once actually in med school? So many people have been encouraging and saying that I will do better the second time around because nerves will be less and I'll know the test format better but there's a few problems with said "excuses": A. I felt very calm on test day, and have never had a problem with test anxiety even when it came to standardized tests (got a 32 on the ACT), and B. I took online practice tests prior to the real one that were the same exact format of the real test (from the AAMC website and all) so I was familiar with how it would look. and C. I studied for the entire Fall semester before taking the last MCAT and only managed the 24 so how can I think that studying for one or two more months will improve my score by a needed 6 points or so.

I am now facing tough decisions that I didn't think that I was going to have to be making. You see, I'm a 4.0 student at a private college and have never really been an "average" test taker, but an above average one. So by default I expected to achieve at least above the national average. Not. The. Case. So now the question isn't whether to retake it, because that's a gimme, but when.

Sorry if you looked to this blog for good MCAT advice, because this post is anything but that. I don't think you would want to find it here coming from a 24 anyway because even I would be skeptical taking test advice from someone that scored at the national average.

I will post again when I decide where my life goes from here. Until then, I'll try to stop labeling myself "a 24" to keep myself from being so depressing. And yes, I could have been studying with the time it took to write this post, but like I said, I'm in the "what's the point?" stage of grief right now and hopefully in the near future I'll be in the "I'm going to do something about it" stage.

Pre-natal Diagnosis and What Comes After It

Last week in class, we discussed the issue of prenatal diagnosis and genetic testing. I view these methods themselves as very beneficial technologies that can make our lives easier. The bigger issue is what is done after these tests have been done. I think that being able to find out if your child has certain disorders such as Down Syndrome or Tay-Sachs can greatly help the family in having time to be able to prepare for the challenges that the disorder can bring. However, I do not believe that this is a case where abortion should be pursued if the child is found to have a genetic anomaly. This is mostly because I think that it would  open doors for parents to be able to abort solely on the basis that the child is not exactly what they want. For example, if they wanted a certain gender or a more intelligent child. That reminds me of the books that we all read in high school about the utopias in which all embryos are genetically developed to be a certain way (Huxley's Brave New World ring a bell?) and it's kind of scary to think things could be heading that way.

As far is the possibility of genetically correcting the DNA when prenatal diagnosis happens, I am still not sure exactly where I stand on that. I think it could pose problems similar to those that arise by aborting genetically abnormal children such as the nonacceptance of having an abnormal child causing psychological distress to the parent or child. However, its not as severe as aborting so it has its positives, too. When I was thinking about it, I realized that if the child that was found to have a certain disorder was born and then we found a cure for it, it would be a no-brainer that we would want to give the child that cure, so why not correct it before the child is even born. Therefore, I find this to be a much better alternative to not taking the pregnancy to term due to a genetic abnormality.

Not Pro-Life OR Pro-Choice? You're not alone.

Concerning the issue of abortion, growing  up being a Catholic and attending church every week, I normally only got to hear one side of the story: that pro-life is the only right way to think, no matter what the case is. Then on the news I would hear the other side of the Pro-Choice activists that were all about the right for women to be able to choose. Naturally, when thinking about where I stood, I felt out of place because I felt like my stance fell somewhere in between. It was especially troubling in junior high and high school when we would have debates for class or papers to write, we were forced to choose one or the other and support that view.  This is why when we started talking about the subject in class and Professor Marable explained that most theories on the issue are in-between ones, I was happy that we wouldn't just be going back and forth between pro-life and pro-choice and why we thought each one is right or wrong. Personally, I found both Marquis's and Thomson's views to be the most fitting for my opinion that abortion is immoral for most cases besides extreme ones such as rape or if the mother's life is in jeopardy. Thomson's violinist analogy was very odd but it did bring up a good point I suppose. Overall though, I think abortion is going to be a hot topic in politics for many years to come because there are so many different opinions stemmed from personal or religious beliefs, and what can and can't be regulated, that coming to a consensus on one will be tough.

Physician-Assited Suicide for Healthy People

The thing that struck me the most this week was the story of George and Betty Coumbias. This story did not sit as well with me as the story of Craig Ewert. This is because although the whole idea of their story was romantic and it belongs in a movie, I don't like the real-life implications of it. I'm sure losing your lifelong sweetheart would be a very painful event. However, I don't believe that it is worth losing the rest of your own life over something like this. I think the thing that gets me the most is that I'm sure there are thousands of people out there that would love to have Betty Coumbias's health and she was willing to just throw that away based on someone else's life. I could just feel this way because of the way I've been brought up to never fully rely on someone else to fulfill your own life, but I think there are many other things to live for beyond the life with your spouse. Therefore, I fully agree with the decision of the physician to not approve the couple for the procedure. The end result of Betty passing away before George was very ironic, and the fact that, so far, George is still living kind of shows that the passing of one does not have to mean ending two lives.

Physician Assisted Suicide

In the movie we watched on Tuesday, the thing that struck me the most was also mentioned in class after the movie and it was how Craig was not the type of person that I expected him to be before we watched the video. He did not seem depressed in any way. He seemed more of a realist than anything. Before the movie began, I expected for him to be an extreme pessimist and severely depressed to want to make a decision like he did.  I think that, in part, was why he was a good candidate for the documentary. Another thing that shocked me was how no counseling or psychiatric evaluation was done on Craig before they went through with the procedure. To be honest, I think in his case it wouldn't have done any good because his disease was quickly progressing and making him endure it longer than he wanted goes against the whole point of the procedure in the first place. Overall, after watching this movie, I am not sure where I stand on the issue but I think I lean more toward it being legalized than before I watched the video. However, its something that will require great time reflecting on the different aspects such as religion and the Hippocratic oath before I could come up with a solid opinion one way or the other.

Physician vs. Scientist

The thing that caught my attention the most this week was in talking about research in the medical field. I was absolutely shocked to realize that studies such as the Tuskegee study and others have happened so recently in our nation's history. I understand that in the past, our culture as a whole has had some truly bad judgements on what is moral and immoral as shown by our history of slavery, racism, etc. but we never think of things like that occurring in today's society.

The one topic that I thought could use some expanding upon was the roles of physicians when it comes to research in medicine. We compared their role as a physician vs their role as a scientist but I don't believe the two are mutually exclusive. Although they have different general goals with the physician's being the best treatment and the scientist's being best data, I think the ultimate goal is for doctors to pursue both goals at the same time. We talked about how the physician is not really giving the patient's treatment first priority if that patient is in the control group, but I think this is untrue because once the study is over, if the treatment was found to be effective, even the control group can then be benefited by receiving it. Therefore, I believe research such as this done by a physician is morally permissible to do as long as there has been enough background research done as well as trials with mice to ensure that the patients will not be critically harmed.