So I've decided to do my first post since the end of my medical ethics class to actually turn this into a pre-med journey type of blog for other pre-meds or just for me to look back on when I will (hopefully) be a real doctor and can reminisce about what it took to get where I am. Or at this point it may be something more like: 'What made me actually think I could do this?'
Right now I think I just need to vent about this path I've taken, so if this post seems fairly pessimistic, I'm sorry. I promise I'm normally one of the most optimistic people you will meet so this isn't typical for me, and don't be scared away and never come back to my blog solely because of this post.
To be honest, I'm realizing how much this pre-med path sucks. But so do a lot of things in life that we do anyway because it's good for us. Like exercising. Good exercise sucks because its hard, but it's good for us. I personally love a good workout that will have me doubting halfway through whether I can finish, just so I can get the feeling of overcoming that doubt. But this is all beside the point. Back to the real story.
I got my MCAT scores back last week. The moment of truth. Drum roll and.........crap. A 24N. I knew I didn't do as well as my potential, but didn't realize it was this severe. Unluckily, I got these scores in the middle of my spring break while I was in Florida with my softball team for spring training so I knew it was going to either make or break the enjoyment of the rest of my week. However, I was able to keep it off my mind during the rest of that week only to get back to school this week and finally realize the extent of my suckiness. Needless to say, many tears have been shed since returning to reality. What's worse is that the early acceptance program I applied for at MSU CHM requires at least a 25....one point? really?
So now the big question. Do I retake it before the April 28th deadline, having only about a month to study to improve my score and hoping to raise it by at least 1 point in order to qualify for the program? Or do I say screw the early acceptance program and wait to retake until July when I will have sufficient time to prepare in order to improve my score to make myself more competitive for the regular application cycle?
It's times like these I question whether this path is for me. I would like to say it is, but if I can only get a sub-par MCAT, how would I really do once actually in med school? So many people have been encouraging and saying that I will do better the second time around because nerves will be less and I'll know the test format better but there's a few problems with said "excuses": A. I felt very calm on test day, and have never had a problem with test anxiety even when it came to standardized tests (got a 32 on the ACT), and B. I took online practice tests prior to the real one that were the same exact format of the real test (from the AAMC website and all) so I was familiar with how it would look. and C. I studied for the entire Fall semester before taking the last MCAT and only managed the 24 so how can I think that studying for one or two more months will improve my score by a needed 6 points or so.
I am now facing tough decisions that I didn't think that I was going to have to be making. You see, I'm a 4.0 student at a private college and have never really been an "average" test taker, but an above average one. So by default I expected to achieve at least above the national average. Not. The. Case. So now the question isn't whether to retake it, because that's a gimme, but when.
Sorry if you looked to this blog for good MCAT advice, because this post is anything but that. I don't think you would want to find it here coming from a 24 anyway because even I would be skeptical taking test advice from someone that scored at the national average.
I will post again when I decide where my life goes from here. Until then, I'll try to stop labeling myself "a 24" to keep myself from being so depressing. And yes, I could have been studying with the time it took to write this post, but like I said, I'm in the "what's the point?" stage of grief right now and hopefully in the near future I'll be in the "I'm going to do something about it" stage.
